Glen Beck Plans Parenthood

In “An Inconvenient Book,” Glen Beck is at times blatantly biased and selectively informed and at others hilariously insightful. Maybe just hilarious. One of Beck’s insights is to have the government oversee the rights to procreation. His main point is that something is wrong if you need a license to drive your ’89 geo metro but to bring a human being into the world all you need are a couple of shots of tequila and a blanket to cover the coffee stains and crumbs in the back seat.

To become a parent, one should have to pass a written test, be deemed psychologically stable and have sufficient savings to care for the child. The fact is, illiterate of alcoholic compulsive gamblers do not make the best parents. You know, the whole apple doesn’t fall far from the tree thing. If we have to put down payments on cars you would think that someone would want to make sure we have enough money for diapers and baby food. Admittedly, it is an elitist position to look down my nose and deem another human unfit for parenthood. However, we as a society have already put our trust in government for determining who is or is not suitable for much lesser responsibilities. And it’s not like I’m saying that only beautiful people should be allowed to have kids (or am I...).

To enforce the new “No Child Left Behind” legislation (maybe this title will have a better go the second time around) I recommend a tax for each child born without license. The revenue generated would go to programs that help families who already cannot afford their families, the development of 100% reliable ‘super-condoms’ and paying off Hannah Montana to never appear in public again. Ever.

Now, before you call Glen Beck or myself a communist, or make comparisons to cupid’s loveless step-brother Jerry who wants to ruin it for everyone else, let me point out that we face some serious problems if we continue on our reproductive rampage.

According to the U.N. Population Division, world population could skyrocket to as high as 10.8 billion by the year 2050. In a world that already struggles to supply adequate food, medicine and clean water to its people, an additional 4 billion in just over 40 years could push us to the breaking point. Also, Lester Brown makes the interesting point in Plan B 3.0 called the demographic bonus that, “When countries move quickly to smaller families, growth in the number of young dependents—those who need nurturing and educating—declines relative to the number of working adults. In this situation, productivity surges, savings and investment climb, and economic growth accelerates. This effect lasts for only a few decades, but it is usually enough to launch a country into the modern era. Indeed, except for a few oil-rich countries, no developing country has successfully modernized without slowing population growth.” Sounds like “No Child Left Behind” part two has found a home.

And if you’re still unconvinced that some people should be denied the right fornicate without a full body condom a la Leslie Nielson, check this out http://youtube.com/watch?v=OKfYT7Zvpqg. Some people are hopeless.