Thursday, July 10, 2008

Santa Claus is God? Well, Kinda...

Santa Claus: white beard, red hat, beer belly. The guy who occasionally works under the pseudonyms of Saint Nick, Chris Cringle and in a today’s fashionable unus nomen culture, S.C. That Guy. Many, although most not tall enough to look mall Santa imposters in the eye, are under the impression that he makes all your dreams come true; trains, ponies, G.I. Joes, you name it. The best part is that, with obnoxious reoccurrence, the nice get to cash in on the same day every year: Judgment day... I mean Christmas.

There’s only one catch, ya gotta believe! Let the holy Christmas spirit flow through you. That’s all it takes, convince yourself that you’re convinced that a fat guy can eclipse the sped of light and the laws of mass-energy conservation for the sole purpose of passing out new bikes and dollhouses. Of course, if you’re reading this, you’re a grown up, at least that’s what you tell the other ‘grown-ups.’ You don’t fall for every scam throwing itself at you in thirty-second spots on daytime TV and you certainly don’t believe that a cosmic creator would allow its perfect laws of physics to be broken solely to reward you for being nice. I mean, come on! Where does he fit all the presents? How is it that a few reindeer, on a diet of candy-canes and hot chocolate (not exactly a breakfast of champions) pull this fat guy and all his gifts through the stratosphere? How can Chris get up and down every chimney in the world? I mean, it’s science, and it just doesn’t make sense. It’s not possible, barely even plausible.

No, no, we adults, unlike our naïve children, don’t spend Christmas Eve dreaming of Saint Nick and the rancid milk and cookie crumbs stuck in his beard from 6 billion other houses. No, we’ve upgraded our operating system. We’re running SC 2.0, more commonly known as Jesus. Eight pound six ounce baby Jesus. You see, as adults, we don’t believe in ridiculous things such as reindeer and elves. We have science magazines and enough real life experience in this world to know stuff like that just doesn’t happen. No fat guy raising himself out of our chimneys. Instead we have a dead guy raising himself out of a cave. Although If you asked me, I’d would say an overweight inhabitant of the north pole shimmying his way up a chimney is more miraculous than the resurrection of the dead (which is probably why nobody over the age of 6 believes that anyway.)

Now, this is not a polemic against the Godhood of Jesus nor is its purpose to prove Santa’s non-existence (no doubt a bit of theological hand waving in Catholic Encyclopedia would be more than enough to serve as ‘evidence’ for Santa’s existence for many). The point is just that there are similarities. Feel free to disagree (I’m sure you will) but essentially Santa is a commercialized, simplified, americanized version of the Judeo-Christian God, formerly known as Yahweh, Elohim or Jehovah. God for ages 2-6 (it says so on the box.)

A consequence of the similarities is that children of Christian parents are primed for a life filled with fear of judgment and acceptance as fact of ridiculous mythologies. Upon the maturation of their minds to a stage where they are capable of abstract and critical thought, their minds are already warped, unfairly predisposed, to accept paradigms of thought and action that, had they been allowed to develop free from tampering, they would not have chosen on their own. Consider the values forced upon the future of our species when we tell them, “If you believe, you will receive!”

First, we tell them that belief itself is valuable. It doesn’t matter what it is you believe (if you were really radical you could become a Lutheran Wisconsin synod!) but as long as you do believe, good things come your way in a sleigh. Belief in belief as a mode to gift or greater good is the root of all organizations that have done great harm in world history. Imagine the trust in the foresight and inherent goodness in leadership or wherever it is that people receive supposed direction (God?) required for an entire people to take up the extermination of another (see: Holocaust and Darfur, or milder cases such as the Spanish Inquisition, Western Christian Crusades and current Israeli-Palestinian conflict). It seems that belief in belief is one of the most, if not the most, detrimental roadblocks to free thought, which it should go without saying is a good thing.

Second, we teach our children (and thus future generations of adults) that belief is valuable even in the face of (and sometimes in spite of) reason. It doesn’t matter what arguments or scientific evidence you present counter to your beliefs, you need to stick with what you believe. Otherwise you won’t get that G.I. Joe, dollhouse, or everlasting grace.

Third, there is a bearded guy not at the north pole but in the sky (But not really...everyone knows that!) who keeps tabs on who was naughty and nice, thus deciding who gets a lump of coal in their stocking and who will burn in hell for an eternity of eternities.

Invariably somebody somewhere is thinking right now, Hey! What’s so bad about believing in Jesus? I mean, have you even read the Bible? He was a good guy. He healed sick people, fed hungry people and hung out with a bunch of degenerate sinners. Not to mention he went on a booze run for an entire wedding! What a guy! It’s all true, one would be hard pressed to say that Jesus really wasn’t all that, but again that would be missing the point. This isn’t about whether living the Christian (or Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist or Hindu) life is good or bad. It’s about priming out most malleable minds for belief in anything, be it unconditional love and compassion for all of humanity or unconditional fury and hate directed at most of humanity. The line between these two is much thinner (using scripture) than most liberal religious minds will choose to admit. So is the line between the infantile conception of Santa and the adult desire for a father figure with all the answers.

The Santa Claus myth is no different from any of the things adults spoon-feed themselves to feed good. The particulars differ, of course, but the basis remains the same: Believe in something irrational, and you will receive! Santa Claus is the playground where we teach our kids to abandon their powerful minds in favor of old superstitions. Kind of makes you wish you were a kid again right?

1 comment:

Caroline said...

I guess I have to say I am surprised that I haven't come across this analogy before because to the extent you argue it, it actually holds up pretty well.

The notion of God's power to reward faith and good works (give presents for believing and not punching your sister), or punish disobedience (dang, coal again) is reflected in the creation of Santa Clause. But, this analogy doesn't account for Christianity's requirement that one strive to live like God, or Jesus. I don't often hear parents telling their kids that they should model themselves after Santa Clause.

This is really funny and definitely puts me in the Christmas spirit...too bad I have to wait five months.